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Trust Issue or?? Recently, I read a a post by a lady who had fallen real hard for someone in Austalia. She was planning ona visit as soon as she could as she lived in Canada. The man she was corresponding with apparently had said he was commmitted to her until she arrived in Australia. So she posted that she couldn't understand his reasons for coming back to the site they had met on,as "frequently" as he did. As she had posted she was committed to someone and was no longer looking and deleted all info of herself on her profile. After I read that... I thought hmmmmmm is this a trust issue?? and why do men/women do that? There was many responses to her grievance and most said it was because of the friends they meet and need to keep in touch. She said that was a lame excuse for her man to keep frequenting the site. She felt his so called "true" friends could keep in contact if they were "true" friends by other means..yahoo/msn chat etc, email, phone or snail mail. The one response to her dilemna was this: "One possible answer to this difficult issue of losing trust is to ask yourself, Have you ever let down someone who wanted your love & trusted you? If so, did you do so out of meanness or the desire to hurt the other - or was it out of what you felt to be the need to protect or pursue your own happiness? If so, then maybe he/she was only doing the same, and the betrayal was in your expectation." What do you think of this? Is this a trust issue or is it because the party is unwillingly to give up the other contacts in case this does not work out?? I did not respond to the post,personally. |
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7/31/2005 11:28 am |
Having been interested in Australia myself for several years and corresponded with people there and elsewhere, I've come to believe that we really have to meet the person we're interested in and preferably spend time with him/her. The point is to become as thoroughly familiar with this person's character as possible, by whatever means: IM, email, letters, phonecalls, webcam, and personal visits. I vote for the lady in Canada to choose trust but to also keep her eyes open as she is doing now. Keep the dust off the rose-colored glasses. Go visit the guy as a friend and have a great time!
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I feel that its a trust issue. I don'f feel that one should give up what they enjoy because of someone elses insecurity. And that is basically what it all comes down to. INSECURITY!! When the relationship is good then you have no need to worry about such matters. What is one supposed to do? Live in a Box... We encounter people in all different areas of our lives. There is always a chance that someone interesting will come along and distract us. But when real Love is involved one always thinks of the conquences. I refuse to be controlled by another persons emotions. I am a free spirit and want the person that I am with to understand this part of me. The right person will cherish who I am and appreciate my love for others. So some may view this as a selfish attitude...but its the way I choose to live my life. So...tell me....where is the betrayal?? I don't see one!! Think its controlling based on personal expectation! The wealth of a soul is measured by how much it can feel; its poverty by how little. W. R. Inge
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7/31/2005 10:22 pm |
Right on.... It was very interesting to read your responses. I feel Bruja's answer is enlightening in this subject matter. I felt that too as I read it...It felt like insecurity to me as well. But you all shed some light on it and clarified for me, my own questions on the post. Tnk you!!
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8/1/2005 1:32 am |
I totally agree with Bruja's response. I think that what she related is an emotionally healthy perspective.
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8/1/2005 3:40 am |
I think relationship are hard these days, and mainly because we have unreachable expectations of others. It is in our expectations we set that causes the problems. We all have them and we all expect something in and out of life, including relationships. I think if we are good with ourselves within.. we know who and what we are.. and believe that, I might add... then it matters not what the other does as far as friendships go... but if we are insecure within, about ourselves.. then our expectations of the other to lift us up and hold us there is a definite breaker.. no where in the real world it is healthy to not have friends... and the computer is an easy way to keep in touch.. we need to look within and at our expectations.. ___________ Find the humor each day holds.... Gina
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8/1/2005 8:19 pm |
Hello usendme.... well my positive attitude about life comes from the script.. a very unhearsed one at that. Ya know the saying "All the world's a stage and we mere actors??" They kept changing the script and it's all the DIRECTOR's Fault,,,, In other words I worked hard to develope a sense of peace about myself, calm in the way I handle things and quiet silence in my life. Ty usendne,,,You're an awesome man to be able to point that out and I totally accept it... By the way I had fun without overdoing it!  tws
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