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MrsJoe 76F
17308 posts
12/11/2017 3:57 pm

Dumb me did not even catch that slur!
One of my childhood classmate's little sister was born with a cleft lip and palate, but after a couple of surgeries, all you could see was a light scar and her speech had a slight lisp when she was little, but she outgrew it.
One of the nurses with whom I worked, was adopting a baby girl from Russia..... but when they got there, there was no baby girl, just little Alex, who had a double cleft lip. They fell in love with him and adopted him and brought him back to America where he had the surgeries necessary to correct it. I guess his parents didn't want a deformed baby, and/or maybe didn't have the means to get him the medical care he needed.
A very dear friend of mine had a grandson who was also born with this birth defect, but surgery fixed him up just fine! That is why we donate to Smile Train.
If only all birth defects could be so easily rectified, wouldn't it be great?


Be a prism, spreading God's light and love, not a mirror reflecting the world's hatred.


sparkleflit 76F
10271 posts
12/11/2017 5:15 pm

My first child was born with a heart defect. When she was 3 months old,
she had to go to a hospital in a different city. My husband had to stay behind to work, so I was on my own. I lived close to the hospital and spent every day there with my baby. She slept a lot. The nurses started giving me tasks. In the cubicle next to my baby was a boy the same age, but very healthy and active. He had a cleft lip and palate, though and was very unhappy. No one came to visit him for a week, then his father came, who didn't know what to do to help his son. We got to talking and he said that his wife couldn't bear to look at her son.....she said she had created a monster.

The baby boy was screaming all the time, turning red and thrashing. I had taken over his feeding. He had to be fed with a tube through his nose because of the cleft. He hated that and it was heart-breaking....He would often choke. I knew that sucking was a strong instinct for babies and so I thought maybe I could help with that and started massaging the inside of his mouth with my finger as I fed him......It was like a miracle.....He stopped crying and relaxed. Everyone on the ward relaxed......The next time his Dad showed up, the nurses told him what I was doing and he tried and it became a bonding experience for them.....A couple of days later when I walked into the room, the boy's Dad was walking my baby. A few days later he had hung a beautiful butterfly mobile above my baby's crib.
Meanwhile, my baby was getting weaker. The doctors held meetings, trying to come up with the best procedure. It was a delicate balance.Open heart surgery was certain, but when was the question. The older she was the better her chances, but she was turning blue when I nursed her.....They said I should stop nursing and feed her with a special bottle, but that my milk was best, so I started pumping. I had a lot more milk than needed, so I asked if I could donate it. They said I could only donate it if the parents consented. They asked the father of the boy with the cleft palate and he said yes, so I started feeding him my milk. He was so beautiful and I was in no shape to be guarding my emotions or noticing that I had transferred a lot of mother love to that little boy.

That baby boy thrived on my milk and was soon strong enough for his first surgery. I was there to help him learn to suck from a bottle and the smiles and happy gurgles just melted my heart. Then my baby girl with her red curls started going downhill fast and she was rushed into emergency surgery. She survived the surgery, but was in immediate peril. Her heart stopped 3 times in the next 2 weeks and they told me that she would "be a vegetable" if she survived....a week later she died of pneumonia. Everyone can imagine how pre-occupied and grief-stricken I was in those weeks........It wasn't until I flew home with a tiny coffin in the hold of the plane, that I had a thought for the baby boy with the cleft......Those big brown eyes ......For years, I was sure that I would know him if I ever saw him again and still, to this day, when I see a man with the scar from a cleft, my heart swells with love.


sparkleflit 76F
10271 posts
12/11/2017 5:17 pm

Sorry Bigblock for leaving such a long story, but you know how it is with us old folks and our memories.....


MrsJoe 76F
17308 posts
12/11/2017 7:08 pm

    Quoting sparkleflit:
    Sorry Bigblock for leaving such a long story, but you know how it is with us old folks and our memories.....
Thank you for sharing your heart rendering story. All of my babies (except the one I miscarried) were born "perfect", and I sometimes forgot how great of a blessing that was.
One of my great granddaughters was born with a heart defect, and has had open heart surgeries and a stroke. She is four years old and looking at another surgery soon. Her brother, who would have been a little over a year older than her, died in his sleep from an undetected heart defect when he was just 3 months old. My granddaughter has told me how the parents at the children's hospital bonded with each other and each other's babies and they all suffered or rejoiced with each other. Many still stay in contact.


Be a prism, spreading God's light and love, not a mirror reflecting the world's hatred.


sparkleflit 76F
10271 posts
12/11/2017 9:11 pm

    Quoting MrsJoe:
    Thank you for sharing your heart rendering story. All of my babies (except the one I miscarried) were born "perfect", and I sometimes forgot how great of a blessing that was.
    One of my great granddaughters was born with a heart defect, and has had open heart surgeries and a stroke. She is four years old and looking at another surgery soon. Her brother, who would have been a little over a year older than her, died in his sleep from an undetected heart defect when he was just 3 months old. My granddaughter has told me how the parents at the children's hospital bonded with each other and each other's babies and they all suffered or rejoiced with each other. Many still stay in contact.
Thanks for your kind response.....I didn't have another child for 7 years....My other children were perfectly healthy and so are my grands, but it took me a long time to get over that first one.


sparkleflit 76F
10271 posts
12/11/2017 9:35 pm

    Quoting  :

It is a relief, isn't it......apparently we are both very stubborn in our views...I have a friend who works with Doctors Without Borders and he has worked with a unit that goes into far-flung places and does nothing but repair clefts. He was on the team that sets up the clinics and finds the patients.