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How to 10/7/2019
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only
needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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TAXI DRIVER IN HEAVEN 12/9/2017
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St.
Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter
to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling
alley to an olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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It could be you. 12/9/2017
$5.37. That's what the behind the counter at Taco
Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes
and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already
handed the a five-spot, I started to head back out to
the truck to grab some change when the with the Elmo hairdo
said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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NEW CORVETTE CONVERTIBLE 12/9/2017
A FLORIDA SENIOR CITIZEN HAPPILY DROVE HIS BRAND NEW CORVETTE
CONVERTIBLE OUT OF THE DEALERSHIP....TAKING OFF DOWN
THE ROAD, HE FLOORED IT TO 80 MPH, ENJOYING THE WIND BLOWING
THROUGH WHAT LITTLE HAIR HE HAD LEFT.
"AMAZING, " HE THOUGHT AS HE FLEW DOWN I-95,
PUSHING THE PEDAL EVEN MORE. LOOKING IN HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR,
HE SAW A STATE TROOPER BEHIND HIM, LIGHTS FLASHING AND SIREN ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Happiness 8/1/2017
The place to be happy is here.The time to be happy is now.The
way to be happy is to make other people happy.
1 Comments, 28 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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NOT TO BLAME 5/31/2017
An elderly farmer and his wife are relaxing on the front
stoep when the old woman reminds her husband that next week will mark
their golden wedding anniversary '"Let'"s have a party, dear"
she suggests. "Let"s slaughter a pig. The old-timer scratches his grizzled head "Gee I don*t know"he replies.I can"t
see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Church humor 6/13/2016
=========== A father was approached by his small who told him proudly,
"I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?" The replied, "I do know!" "Okay, " said his father. "What does
the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy
replied excitedly, " It stands for 'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.'" (This one is ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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more laughter 6/13/2016
A man was removing two wheels from his car.A girl asked him:
what are you doing??Man: Can't you see the board, "Parking for two wheelers only"!!! _______
Teacher: Mack, come here, see the map and find South America.Mack:
Mam, Here it is..Teacher: Right, Good, Go to your seat.
Teacher: Students, now tell me who discovered South America, ?
Student: Miss, ,, ,, Mack .
Two cows are ...
2 Comments, 48 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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something to smile 10/1/2015
•A: yo momma so fat when she goes swimmin in the beach,
boats dock on her less •A:Yo momma so stupid, she got trapped in a grocerie store
and starved to death
Girl: Mom, i am in love with a guy..Mom shocked: How old is
the boy & what is he doing.Girl: 3 month kicking happily
in my stomach..
Man: What is a century like to you?God: It is like a short
second.Man: What is ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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locked her keys in the car 6/18/2014
> A woman was at work when she received a phone call that
her small > was very sick with a fever. > > > She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get
some medication. > > > She got back to her car and found that she had locked
her keys in the car. > > > She didn't know what to do, so she called home and
told the baby sitter what > had happened. > > > The baby sitter told her that the ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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History Exam 6/8/2013
At a history examination.
EXAMINER: "Mention an important event in 1564."
EXAMINEE (after thinking for a long time): "Shakespeare
was born."
EXAMNER: "Very well, and in 1574?"
EXAMINEE: "Let me think...ah, yes. I know. Shakespeare's
tenth birthday!"
1 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!! 12/7/2011
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a , adults used to bore me to tears With their
tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they
were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to
school every morning. Uphill... barefoot.... BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There
was no ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Divorce versus Murder 11/23/2011
Divorce VS Murder ...
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need
cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord
have mercy! I can't give ...
2 Comments, 79 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER 6/23/2011
I REMEMBER……………
Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when
' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were
spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall
was the host asking the questions, of course.. I have to add this one in, I remember it so well! I laughed
most of the day and it kept popping into ...
3 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Enjoy 6/23/2011
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd
done many times before. After she applied her lipstick
and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will
probably never put lipstick on again without thinking
about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Over the hill 11/13/2010
OVER THE HILL
You know you are over hill when ....
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and
you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Getting older in Florida 5/3/2010
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita
Springs doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh, sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who
drives you to the beach?" ******************************** Three old ladies ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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DID GOD MAKE ME? 4/14/2010
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me, " the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did
God make me too?"
"Yes, God made you, " the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying
her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Another Irish Drinking Joke! 1/23/2010
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three
<br>
pints
of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back
to the bar and orders three more. The bartender
asks him,
"You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would
taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman
replies, ...
2 Comments, 2810 Views,
749 Votes
,6.63 Score
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Which way do you want it? 8/31/2009
while searching and browsing new members and possible
matches, I noticed several members who were seeking a serious
relationship. the only thing i found kinda funny, was the
fact they wanted a woman/man (not gender prejudice here)
and a couple for a serious relationship. how exactly is
that done since you can't (or can you) have a serious
relationship with a couple. when we first signed up ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Listen to what the little tykes say 7/6/2009
Each paragraph is a small vignette and out of the mouths
of "babes"! Never hurts to listen to what the
little tykes say!
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office,
a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.
As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat
there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should
make small talk with him, a little boy ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Inline-skating, for People Over 50 - Medic!! 6/25/2009
I had imagined this new adventure in a totally different
way. Although I knew that it was going to take some practice,
endurance, commitment and lots of ibuprofen. So my decision
was made to spend some hard-earned money on something that
had to have it's origins in mid-evil, torture chamber,
centuries ago, a pair of inline-skates.
Here's a simple description of an inline-skate, for ...
2 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Groaners 5/5/2009
Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink
and derive.
“Why was the ink drop sad?
Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how
long the sentence would be!”
1 Comments, 17 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Contrary Women and what men want??? 4/28/2009
“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An
optimist is one who hopes they are.” Quotes by Pope
John Paul the Thirteenth
why is it that women brag about how good they are to impress
men who would prefer that they be bad, unless the men would
rather talk the women into being bad.
Life on life's terms is the great mystery.
4 Comments, 127 Views,
27 Votes
,0.72 Score
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AND YOU EXPECTED WHAT? 4/8/2009
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before
he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I
finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.
"That's the one!" ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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AP Government Class 4/4/2009
Natural Born Citizen
Since we now have a new president some political humor might
be in store. The following is a funny and true story occurring in an AP
Government class at Santa Fe High School .
In one civics class, the young adults were discussing the
qualifications to be president of the United States It is pretty simple. The
candidate must be a natural born citizen and at ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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HOUSEWORK'! 3/9/2009
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny
arrived home from work to find the bathed, one load of laundry
in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the
stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives
who work full-time and had to do their own housework were
too tired to have sex'.
The night went ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Sorry about this! 3/6/2009
Notice:
Due to recent budget cuts, high unemployment and the rising
costs of food, electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
and the overall state of the union, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has
been turned off.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
0 Comments, 24 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS" 2/26/2009
PUNS
01. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 02. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 03. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
04. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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IRS decides to audit Grandpa 2/24/2009
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up
with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain
by saying that you win money gambling.
I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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