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Four Parrots 7/2/2006
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only
know how to say one
thing."
<br>
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
<br>
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have
some fun?"
<br>
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.
You know, " he said, "I have two male talking ...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Inanimate Gender 7/2/2006
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender.
<br>
For example...
<br>
Ziploc Bags Male
<br>
They hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
<br>
<br>
Copiers Female
<br>
Once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's
an effective reproductive device if the right ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Passing this on !! 7/2/2006
Here's a good joke to get everyone's weekend start
off right!
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she
needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained
she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's
eyes got big and
he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide
to kill your husband!
That's against the ...
3 Comments, 776 Views,
106 Votes
,6.40 Score
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Mistakes I Won't Make Again, Maybe 7/2/2006
After she spends a lot of time and money at the beauty parlor,
I will never put the top down on the car when we go out.....even
if it was an improvement. Even if she likes the wine, she
gets two glasses and that's it. I won't leave her
to sit in on stage when the guitarist doesn't show up.
I've found taking the pets along on dates usually doesn't
work out for the pets. When she makes that ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
13 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Simple Sims. 7/2/2006
I have the experience. There are many people on the net.
They all want to have good friends, be nice partners and
are outgoing and with many interests. Just like it were
the ideal Atlantida.But what about when one enters the
room! Only silence, and humor and all are laughing and ful
of knowledge end joy.
Is that the life?
Are we really such a simple Sims ???
1 Comments, 33 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Not a good day for Santa 7/2/2006
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee
elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning
to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
<br>
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.
This
stressed Santa even more.
<br>
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three
of them were
about ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Time for Name Tags 7/2/2006
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week to play cards.
<br>
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've
been friends for a long time.....but I just can't ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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May-December Romance 7/2/2006
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting
on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked
her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband
at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up
and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly
ground coffee." <br>
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" <br>
She said, "He ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Pearly Gates 7/2/2006
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season, " Saint Peter
said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out
a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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How To Decide Who To Marry! 7/2/2006
( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like,
if
you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
<br>
( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going
to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find
out
later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Women don't give Mixed Signals! 7/2/2006
Since the subject of “mixed signals” was brought up by the
ladies, some of whom admitting that ladies do this while
a few seem to be in a fog and deny it, I assume the topic is fair
game. I have been waiting for this topic like a hungry wolf!
<br>
To say that ladies give “mixed signals” is an understatement!
And any woman that denies that this is the one ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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THE EULOGY 7/2/2006
She married and had 13 . Her husband died. She married
again and had 7 more . Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more . Alas,
she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher
prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving
woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
<br>
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Wishing For 7/2/2006
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny
passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her
body and moaning, "I need a man, I
need a man! "Over the next couple of months, he saw
her doing this several times. One day, he came home from
school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom,
he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room,
took off ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Personal Ads...What women really mean!!!! LOL 7/2/2006
Women Lies……in the personals and what they really mean
<br>
40ish ….................49
Adventurous……… Slept with everyone
Athletic……………No****
Average Looking…..Ugly
Beautiful….Pathological liar
Contagious smile……Dose a lot of pills
Emotionally secure…On ...
1 Comments, 31 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Blow-Up Dolls 7/2/2006
I was in the chat room and someone mentioned a blow-up doll...well
let me tell you about blow-up dolls. I was feeling lonely
so I bought one...never reading the instructions (guy
thing) I used shop air (120psi) to inflate her...KA-POW...well
rats, reads inflating instructions, ok now do not exceed
2 psi, oppsss. So I got another one...this time all is well
inflating her....got her outta the ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
19 Votes
,7.74 Score
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Shopping for what???????? yikes! 7/2/2006
one would think of the naSo, everyone has an answer…Where you can meet someone that
is…..Now, I never said they had the right answers. Obviouslytural places. Places which everyone
must visit if even for an occasion…
<br>
I speak directly of the grocery store…Some stores even
cater to singles in their area. I am familiar with one such
store that held a ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Everyone is looking...where do I go to find him/her...imagine this.... 7/2/2006
So, everyone has an answer…Where you can meet someone that
is…..Now, I never said they had the right answers. Obviously
one would think of the natural places. Places which everyone
must visit if even for an occasion…
<br>
I speak directly of the grocery store…Some stores even
cater to singles in their area. I am familiar with one such
store that held a ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score
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Men and women 7/2/2006
When you were a you were really cute. When you were
in your twenties I was discovering what you were about.
When you were in your thirties I learned what it was like
to be ignored because of chidren. When you were in your forties
you were leaving me and taking my money. When you were in
your fifties you were discovering a new independence.
Now that your in your sixties you can sometimes ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
12 Votes
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Lets lighten up with some humour!!!!!! 7/2/2006
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
than on Alzheimer's research.
<br>
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely
no recollection of what to do with them.
1 Comments, 58 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Struttin Your Stuff 7/2/2006
A young man took his girlfriend to her first baseball game.
In the 1st inning the batter takEs his place. The picher
throws..."Strike one" says the umpire.Then
he yells out, "Ball one", then another strike, and
the ball is hit... The young man stands up and shouts, "Run, Run",
"Darling", says the girlfirend, I don't
understand. "Oh, let me explain", said the
man. "He hit the ball so he ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Blonde At Work 7/2/2006
A curvy blonde went door-to-door, looking for work to earn
some extra money. One man answered her knock and she explained
she was looking for anything he could give her. He said "I'll
give you $50 to paint my porch." She said "I can
do that!"
<br>
He gave her a can of grey paint & brush, and pointed to
the yard. "It's in the back!".
<br>
6 hours later, the blonde ...
2 Comments, 84 Views,
18 Votes
,5.17 Score
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The Talking Dog 7/2/2006
A man driving down a neighborhood street spotted a sign
on a fence, "TALKING DOG, $10.00". The man
stopped and ask if the sign was for real. The owner said, "Sure, he
is in the back yard, go see for yoursef". The man and
did so. As he approached the dog, the said, "HELLO, HOW
ARE YOU TODAY?". The man began to question the animal.
"So, when did you learn to talk?". the replied, "At
an early ...
1 Comments, 34 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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TOMMY and HIS TRAIN 7/2/2006
Little Tommy was playing with his new electric train set
in the livingroom floor. As it passed the little station,
he
tooted the horn.Passing the station again, he stopped
the train and said, "All you Mother F---ers that
want off, better get off now". Starting the train
up again, he stopped the train on the opposite side of the
track and said, "All you S.O.B.'s that want
on, now is ...
1 Comments, 39 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score
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What Was That For??? 7/2/2006
An old couple maw and paw, were on the front porch.Paw in
his rocking chair, whittleing, maw in her rocking chair, knitting.
Moments pass and Maw reaches over and slaps paw in back of
the head, knocking him off the porch and into the rose bushes.
He finally struggles back to his chair and says to maw."what
was that for?", she replies, "For haveing
such a small one". About 30 minutes late, ...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
14 Votes
,6.18 Score
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Singing In Church 7/2/2006
Singing In Church
A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind." The pastor shouted out, "Cross!"
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison "The Old Rugged Cross."
The ...
1 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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I Get Just As Much 7/2/2006
What did the bathtub say to the commode??? "Look buddy, I
get just as much A-- as you do, only I don't have to put
up with all that S---!".
1 Comments, 57 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Preacher's Donkey 7/2/2006
Preacher's Donkey
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told
the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique
way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make
the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!"
<br>
The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"
<br>
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got
on the animal to ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Can't Get Into Heaven 7/2/2006
Three ministers and their wives were riding in a car and
got into an accident. They all were killed and went to Heaven.
God said to the first minister " I'm not letting
you into Heaven " and the minister asked "Why".
God replied, " Because all you think about is Money,
Money Money!! "That's all you think about".
" You think about it so much that you married a woman
named Penny so I'm not ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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One Smart Bird 7/2/2006
A man went to visit his long time friend that he had not seen in several years. After his friend showed him around the place they entered the den,where he saw a beautiful pariot in a very large cage. "What a marvelous feathered friend you have",he remarked. "Yep,and he talks and does tricks too". The visitor noticed a string tied to each of the birds legs and ask,"what are the strings for"? Oh ...
1 Comments, 40 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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Games for Old People 7/2/2006
1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners.
1 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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