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More Irish Drinking....... 7/2/2006
Mick and Paddy were coming out of the pub after the usual
night of heavy drinking - only this night they are later
than usual.
<br>
"Beejeezez!" says Mick, "All the buses
are finished. Oy, Paddy, we'll have to walk home."
<br>
So, off they set. It's not long before they come upon
the bus depot, all quiet and shrouded in darkness. Mick
suddenly says, "Oy, Paddy.... ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Elderly Meal! 7/2/2006
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to
lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had
ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he
watched, the gentleman carefully divided the
hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one
for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra
cup and set that in front of his wife. ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
99 Votes
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Bra Shopping 7/2/2006
A woman who is having her first date with a man she met on SFF
decides she would like to buy some dainty lingerie. She
goes into Victoria's Secret and is a bit perplexed
since it's been quite awhile since her last puchase
of this type of flimsy garments. Upon approaching the salesperson,
she is asked what size she needs. In a loud, clear voice she
responds - 40 long. Gravity does have ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
20 Votes
,4.40 Score
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Words Women Use 7/2/2006
FINE
<br>
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.
<br>
FIVE MINUTES
<br>
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes
is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.
<br>
NOTHING
<br>
This is the calm ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
25 Votes
,5.90 Score
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Female at different ages 7/2/2006
What s the difference between female at the ages of 8, 18,
28, 38, 48 and 58?
<br>
08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
<br>
18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
<br>
28 - You don t need to tell her any story and take her to bed.
<br>
38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
<br>
48 - You ...
1 Comments, 73 Views,
33 Votes
,6.08 Score
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reply to YOUNGER GUYS WANT OLDER WOMEN 7/2/2006
Buddy I agree with you, but you have some terrible mispellings.
To make yourself more attractive to old ladies here, you
had better polish your humor a little bit. If you only want
old women, don't bother. LOL
1 Comments, 86 Views,
27 Votes
,3.56 Score
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DRINKS OR ??????? 7/2/2006
A BAPTIST WAS SEATED NEXT TO A MARINE ON A FLIGHT TO MEMPHIS,
TENNESSEE.
<br>
AFTER THE PLANE WAS AIRBORNE, DRINK ORDERS WERE TAKEN.
THE MARINE ASKED FOR A SCOTCH AND SODA, WHICH WAS BROUGHT
AND PLACED BEFORE HIM.
<br>
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT THEN ASKED THE MINISTER IF HE WOULD
LIKE A DRINK.
<br>
HE REPLIED IN DISGUST, "I'D RATHER BE SAVAGELY
BY BRAZEN ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
31 Votes
,8.13 Score
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She was so blonde.......... 7/2/2006
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box
because it said "concentrate".
<br>
...she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.
<br>
...she told me to meet her
at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T
WALK".
<br>
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
<br>
...she tried to put M&M's in ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
33 Votes
,4.34 Score
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My Relationship is not working...with my computer.. 7/2/2006
Dear Yankee Princess,
<br>
This correspondence is in response to your fervent prayers
of last week. We do want you to know that all were received,
heard, discussed, and reviewed. Heaven is sympathetic
to your demise, regarding your hard drive and tower. We
also appreciate your initiative to solve this earthly
problem on your own. God does appreciate those who help ...
1 Comments, 68 Views,
42 Votes
,6.70 Score
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Dress rules for the over 50 crowd 7/2/2006
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following
combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided.
<br>
1. A nose ring and bifocals.
<br>
2. Spiked hair and bald spots.
<br>
3. A pierced tongue and dentures.
<br>
4. Miniskirts and support hose.
<br>
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
<br>
6. Speedos and ...
2 Comments, 97 Views,
127 Votes
,7.71 Score
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Great to be a woman! 7/2/2006
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological
disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. ...
2 Comments, 52 Views,
14 Votes
,3.78 Score
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Just a joke! 7/2/2006
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament
in Atlantic City.
<br>
The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde
team rides on the top level.
<br>
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great
time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything
from ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
17 Votes
,5.11 Score
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Gotta love it! 7/2/2006
A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
<br>
He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed. He takes one.
<br>
As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after
another.
<br>
By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.
<br>
He says, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I seem
to have eaten all of your peanuts." ...
2 Comments, 31 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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The Silent Treatment 7/2/2006
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next
day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where
he ...
4 Comments, 70 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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You're Out! 7/2/2006
Three Ladies at the Game
This is a detective story so pay close attention!!!
<br>
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first
Cubs
<br>
baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's
into the ballpark. The
<br>
game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves
immensely mixing the
<br>
Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Soon ...
2 Comments, 67 Views,
89 Votes
,6.93 Score
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Size does matter 7/2/2006
A male friend was tellinhg me of his predicament when he
started a new relationship with a woman after the death
of his wife. They made plans to spend the night together
and at first he was baffled when she told him that he had better
stop by the drug store on his way over. then he realized she
wanted him to buy condoms. Embarrassed, he hurried in grabbed
the first ones he saw and felt ...
1 Comments, 181 Views,
90 Votes
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Buckets and Saucers 7/2/2006
A man doing a study on contrceptives and birth control was
canvassing a neighborhood. At one house he met a very tall
young lady who said she had been married for 10 years and
hadn't gotten pregnant yet. He asked if she used a method
of birth control and she said"Why of course! I use
the "bucket and saucer" method. The man was
taken aback and said he had never heard of this method and ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
27 Votes
,1.56 Score
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good luck 7/2/2006
If a man who can not count finds a four leaf clover, is he entitled
to good luck?
2 Comments, 123 Views,
145 Votes
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Apples 7/2/2006
Subject: Apples
<br>
Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top
of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because
they are afraid of
falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy....... So the
apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in reality, ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
263 Votes
,7.48 Score
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Vaseline 7/2/2006
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a
house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed. He
orders the
guy
out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to
the bed he
gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into
the bathroom.
While he's in there the husband tells his wife:"
Listen, this guys an
...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
84 Votes
,3.62 Score
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wanna be whoppers!!!!??? 7/2/2006
why does it not surprise me that when some wanna be stud comes
into chat and brahs about him self =you know the i am 6ft something, has
a 6 pack figure and was at the head of the line when the the
FAMILEY JEWELS were being handed out?? well guys if you
are all that, then tell me this where did it get you in your
past life hu?if you have all that then good on you , enjoy
, but if you are ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
48 Votes
,3.23 Score
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Tear of Mosquito 7/2/2006
Dusk pulled darkness over the heaven eventually. Birds,
worms, and insects sing and dance in the bush and grass,
just like a party.
<br>
There are two mosquitoes resting on a leaf of grass.
<br>
The male mosquito took a sip of grass juice, and elbowed
the female one who was in bad temper and stood like dead,
he said, "darling, please take a sip, you have rejected ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
127 Votes
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Why all the questions ? 7/2/2006
It is your first 'date', your first look at each
other. He/she wants to know all about you, some of the questions
are irrelevant, some of the questions are rude, some of
the questions are out of place in the first date timing.
You are listening, more than he/she. The time spent is too
long, you want to flee, boredom sets in, you know that there
is no connection, that you dont want to see ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
16 Votes
,2.10 Score
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Christmas with Louise 7/2/2006
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was
for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking
the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,
although Jay's ' stockings were overflowed,
his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
<br>
One year I decided to make his dream come ...
1 Comments, 377 Views,
130 Votes
,4.94 Score
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There's a Limit to Everything. 7/2/2006
An elderly woman accompanied her even more elderly husband
to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your
husband is suffering from a very severe disease combined
with horrible stress. If you don't do the following,
your husband will surely die:
<br>
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant;
make sure he ...
1 Comments, 1199 Views,
741 Votes
,7.04 Score
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The Agony and the Ecstasy 7/2/2006
Three guys die together and go to heaven. St. Peter says,
"We only have one rule here: Don't step on the
ducks, as they are God's favorite creation."
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's
almost impossible NOT to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally
steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the ugliest
woman you've ever seen. St. Peter chains ...
1 Comments, 1841 Views,
1107 Votes
,7.73 Score
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Ted's Dead 7/2/2006
Two elderly women meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s
health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.
<br>
<br>
“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up
a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack, and dropped down
dead right there in the middle of the vegetable ...
1 Comments, 468 Views,
250 Votes
,0.20 Score
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Elephant Joke 7/2/2006
Why do elephants drink?
<br>
To forget.
1 Comments, 101 Views,
233 Votes
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Need a Job? Try the Grand Canyon. 7/2/2006
I worked as a seasonal employee at the Grand Canyon, and
I'm here to tell you that if you're breathing (or
even if you're not), you can get hired there. I once
saw a convicted carjacker hired as a tourbus driver...
nobody had even read his resume. Or maybe they did, and though
his skill base might come in handy at some point.
<br>
Intelligence is likewise not a prerequisite. ...
1 Comments, 201 Views,
237 Votes
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What ??? 7/2/2006
A man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they
took the afternoon off, went to her place and had sex all
afternoon. As he was getting dressed, he asked her to take
his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. She
did and he finished dressing and went home. When he got home
, his wife asked him where he had been. He said that he was
having an affair with his secretary ...
1 Comments, 93 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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