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THE HAIRDRYER MAKES IT THROUGH CUSTOMS 6/10/2008
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked
the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course my . What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic
hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened
and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Memories of My Ex 6/10/2008
Isn't it funny the things you remember about your marriage?
After sweating through the stress of divorce and coming
to grips with the fact that we both had something to do with
why the marriage did not last, I find myself remembering,
above all else, his funny quips.
Example: We are getting ready to go out. I say, "What am I going to do with my hair?" His
response, "Have you tried fire?" ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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52 years ago! 6/10/2008
>>>>> Comments made in the year 1955!
>>>>> That's only 52 years ago! > > >>>>> 'I'll tell you one thing,
if things keep going the way they are, it's >>>>> going to be impossible to buy a week's
groceries for $20.00.' > >>>>> 'Have you seen the new cars
coming out next year? It won't be long >>>>> before $2, 000.00 will only buy
a used one.' > >>>>> 'If cigarettes keep going
up in price, I'm ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Not a single 6/10/2008
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made
a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he
would take his 7-year old out for a drive in the car for some bonding
time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he really
didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue
and said that she would take their out. When they ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Why I Hate Ironing 6/10/2008
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The
doctor asked her what had happened to her ears. She answered,
" I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead
of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" The dod tor exclaimed in disbelief,
"But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Religious Differences 6/10/2008
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one
Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming
from the other direction.
'Hello', said the little boy
'Hi, ' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm
on my way ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Two old guys 6/10/2008
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual
park
bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even
short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's
stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every
day. It
keeps your ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Car Trouble 6/10/2008
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My
car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange
sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next
morning, he asks the monks ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST 6/10/2008
THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy
the council, they changed the ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Sally with a smile 6/10/2008
Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her
face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!'
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to
say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really
small, was it?'
Sally replied, 'No... salty!'
Mom fainted
0 Comments, 44 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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From the farm pond 6/10/2008
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man
kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond. The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht.
Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
(Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows
have crapped in it") The kneeling man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim,
I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English.
If you can't speak in the ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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$50.00 IS $50.00 6/10/2008
MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY
YEAR. EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY, 'ESTHER, I'D LIKE TO RIDE IN
THAT HELICOPTER.' ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED, 'I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER
RIDE IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS.'
FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR. MORRIS
SAID, 'ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD. IF I DON'T RIDE THATÂ HELICOPTER
NOW, I MIGHT ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Thoughts 6/10/2008
Thought 1 # When we are born, our mother's get the compliments.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the
publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
# Thought 2 # The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too. ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Having a baby 6/10/2008
OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY
Lena is pregnant with Ole's . Late one night,
Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the
hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and
said, 'A ! Ain't dat great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke
up and said, Hold on! ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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BIRTHDAY REMINDER 6/10/2008
----- BIRTHDAY REMINDER
This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky
turned 34.
Can you believe it?! It seems like only yesterday she was
crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,
and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
0 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Response 6/10/2008
A couple made a deal that who ever died first would come back
and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that
there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die. True to his word he made contact. "Connie....Connie."
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's
wonderful! What's it like?"
...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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This is funny 6/10/2008
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and invite everyone
to the wedding. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry,
we don't serve extension cords in here." The
jumper cable says, "Hey, I'm not an extension
cord, I'm a jumper cable!" The bartender says,
"OK, I'll serve you, but don't start ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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SENIOR TRAVELERS 6/10/2008
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and
an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters
showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking
in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called
them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you
could never hope to ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Boudreaux N Thibodeaux 6/10/2008
Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read: *'Da End is Near! Turn You self Around Now! Before It's Too Late!'*
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious ...
1 Comments, 30 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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A wee bit about me 6/10/2008
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not too narrow minded, though possessing qualities
we dont see in this day and age. Easy going guy , so if you are
serious, ------ contact me. Regardz Smithy40.
0 Comments, 23 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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A wee bit about me 6/10/2008
^I`m 6ft 1 tall weigh around 88 kg, full head of white hair,
attend gym around 3 times a week, -------not a fitness freak-----and
live alone. Looking for a mate with keen sense of humor, ---
and not too narrow minded, though possessing qualities
we dont see in this day and age. Easy going guy , so if you are
serious, ------ contact me. Regardz Smithy40.
1 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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Old Fairy Tale Revisited 6/10/2008
One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.
But this was a long time ago.......
and it was just that one day.
The End
2 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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The Mule, the Monkey & The Man 5/18/2008
I read this somewhere, and I think it's good to share
the laughs 
The Mule, the Monkey & The Man
God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule.
You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy
loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence.
You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years
is too much. ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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**Soulmates In Cyber Space** 3/25/2008
This was written in a frustrated moment by a friend of mine
who used to be a member of SFF. She no longer frequents the
site, but she left me this poem to ponder over after having
had many men lie and fabricate stories to her ........
However, we are fully aware that this can also happen both
ways, so any male out there who wishes to put his two bob's
worth in, feel free..........(smiling) ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
28 Votes
,7.04 Score
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It's all in the way you look at it..... 1/15/2008
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard
my 5-year-old shouts from the back seat, "Mom! That
lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a note from his mother. The note ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Security 1/15/2008
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used
size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns
& Ammo Magazine. 3. Put a few giant dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. ...
1 Comments, 45 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Watch for the signs 1/15/2008
It had rained for days over his property.As flood waters
threatened the Police offered to drive him to a shelter.
He refused Saying "My God will save me. Later, as floods
surrounded his cottage, the man moved to the first floor.
A boat man risked life and limb to rescue him, but his reply
to the invitation to "Jump!" was, "No!
Go away, my God will save me". He simillarly refused
a lift in a ...
1 Comments, 100 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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KILLER BISCUITS 1/15/2008
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual
AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting
her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some
groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows
rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back
of her head.
One customer who ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Dear Abby 1/15/2008
The problems mounted so a letter had to be written………………..
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need
your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife
has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but
if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out
with "the girls" a lot recently ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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MOSES 1/15/2008
Recently, while going through an airport during one of
his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long
gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding
a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has
anyone told you that you look like Moses?" The man
didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.
The man just ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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