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Tell me this won't happen to us 5/11/2007
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: >> >>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone
to report that her car >>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation
to >>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the
stereo, the steering wheel, the >>brake pedal and even the accelerator!"
she cried. >> >>The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer
is on the way." >> >>A few minutes later, ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Guy Rules 5/4/2007
The Guys' RulesÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Wishes 4/10/2007
Three Guys & a Genie
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an
American engineer are walking together one day. They come across
a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is
three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer,
and my will also farm. I want the land to be forever ...
1 Comments, 62 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Texas Cowboy 4/1/2007
A Texas cowboy read in the paper that Alaska had become a
state making Texas the second biggest state. He became
so upset being a resident of the second biggest state that
he went to Alaska to see how he could become an official resident
of Alaska. He walked into the first bar he found and announced that
he was ashamed of being a resident of the second biggest
state. “I want to ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Exercise is Important 3/27/2007
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate
exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain
cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.
If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first,
then do more repetitions as you become more proficient
and build stamina.
Warning: It may be too strenuous for some. Always consult your doctor before starting ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Sixties Stars revisted 3/21/2007
> It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of
the artists >of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics
to accommodate aging >baby boomers. They include: > > Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got
a Lovely Walker > Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
> The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip > Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
> Roberta ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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The twelve cats of Christmas 3/13/2007
THE TWELVE CATS OF CHRISTMAS
<br>
<br>
The Twelve Cats of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree
My 12 cats were laughing at me.
<br>
On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
2 mangled garlands
and my 12 cats laughing at me.
<br>
On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree
3 missing Wise Men
...
1 Comments, 418 Views,
129 Votes
,3.46 Score
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Two sides to every story 3/10/2007
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife.
Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He insulted
me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple
times before he would even answer the phone.
Immediately, the husband drove downtown toconfront the
druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist
told ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The earth quake .....? 3/10/2007
One day, a person walking along the street, suddenly, had
tumbled.After got up, walked two stepps far, also tumbled
.Thereupon, he very quickly got up. But, resembled it's
the same as God cracks a joke with him, walked two steps,
he tumbled on the ground , again and again.so he was crawling
on the ground. The second person saw the first person crawlling on the
ground, was very strange, he ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Senior Dating 3/5/2007
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are
talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for
a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted
to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a
fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Nice Pigs 2/24/2007
RAZORBACKS
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was Carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replies "These are not pigs these Are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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JEWISH HUMOR 2/19/2007
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel
at Cocoa Beach, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up,
placed his blanket
on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with
him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you, " he responded, and turned
back to his book.
...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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BOB 2/5/2007
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows
up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-
old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
\bsexo?\b appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his
every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first
chance, they
corner him and ask, "Bob, ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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love and marriage 2/3/2007
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be
why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
0 Votes
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Wee wee Chu 1/31/2007
~~Wee wee Chu~~
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and
his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of
the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan
Cho said "Hey baby, lets play Wee wee chu."
"Oh no not now, lets look at the moon, " said
Jung Lee.
"Oh c'mon baby lets you and I play Wee wee chu.
I love
you and it's ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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being happy 1/28/2007
I find today I am happy just haveing ladies as friends and
lovers. It is so cool to have a woman care for you because
you try and understand where she is coming from. It is so
cool to allow her to cry when she wants to.Yes I know love
will at some times find me, I won't be looking for it.
Donnijoe
1 Comments, 42 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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nuances 1/28/2007
Lovers of the English language will enjoy this......How
do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
why do we wake UP?
...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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A good laugh 1/21/2007
EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH...
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus
was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure ...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Newly weds 1/8/2007
When the newly wed couple retired to the bedroom, the groom
took off his pants and gave them to his new wife and told her
to put them on! She replied they don't fit. Remember
that!!! said the groom.
This inspired the wife to remove her pantties. She told
her husband to put them on. The husband replied that he could
not get into them. then his said, You won't ever get
into my ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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GreyBeard Is Pumpkin Nog for the Soul 12/28/2006
Greybeard is the King in Waiting patiently for his throne.
I usually vote for Homeboy. My computer would not let me
vote every twenty-four hours - but whenever I keep voting
for Homeboy, I did so. I even went to the library so that I
could keep voting for Homeboy. I admire his style.
<br>
Nevertheless, the more I inquire about Greybeard, the
more I am convinced ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
17 Votes
,0.01 Score
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Deer Hunter gets his Just Deserts 12/28/2006
Of course, there is the story of the deer hunter gets up early,
dresses quietly and packs his lunch He puts on his long johns
and camouflage duds. He grabs his gun and starts to warm
up his pick-up truck in anticipation of heading down to
his favorite hunting area.
<br>
Suddenly the rain starts pouring down, It is a torrential
downpour with snow mixed up in the rain. ...
1 Comments, 86 Views,
15 Votes
,0.68 Score
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Grey and His Two Bells - Astrological Compatibility 12/28/2006
A Wise Woman gave me a positively wicked idea. She suggested
that I do a compatibilty chart between Grey and the Bell.
I wasn't sure which one so I utililzed both Bells and
did a Tri-Compatibility Chart. I will put a disclaimer
because without birth times, the houses cannot be accurate
but it does provide a scenerio and lots of humor.
<br>
Grey is a Gemini - A Mutable Sign. ...
6 Comments, 168 Views,
17 Votes
,0.01 Score
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Wicked Things to Do With Food 12/28/2006
If you are out on a romatice stroll - buy an ice cream cone,
bite off the end and slip it over his finger. take your time
nibbling and licking until he's .....
<br>
Use ice-cream topping to write numbers on each other
<br>
pop a mouthful of frozen berries or tropical fruits in your
mouth instead. They taste great and are a lot easier to hold
in your mouth while....... ...
1 Comments, 177 Views,
18 Votes
,1.35 Score
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The Adventures of Sushi 12/28/2006
Sushi is Raw Fish
Raw Fish is used for bait
<br>
Ginger is a Spice
Wasabi is Heat
Soy mellows it out
<br>
To attract a mate -
Eat Sushi topped wih Ginger
Dipped in Wasabi and
covered with Soy
<br>
Masculine Splender unless you perfer the other Gender
Heated Passion Mellows Out. It's all good
3 Comments, 141 Views,
33 Votes
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After Whoopee Comments & Astrology 12/28/2006
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
<br>
Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."
<br>
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
<br>
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
<br>
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
<br>
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
<br>
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
<br>
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
12 Votes
,0.15 Score
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Ides of March - Hasta La Vista Julius C.... 12/27/2006
Shakespeare made famous this ancient Roman date–the Ides
of March. Beware of the Ides of March - The Soothsayer Told
Mr. Ceasar who didn't listen and met his demise that
day.
Also At on the Ides of March the ancient Romans celebrated
the festival of Anna
Perenna, Roman goddess of the New Year. Anna Perrena is
a derivatie of the words "annual" and "perennial."
In Roman ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
16 Votes
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The #1 with his #1 Fan at the Honey Doo Tavern 12/27/2006
The
Number One Fan of the Number One Man from Tennessee man a
wild date, He needed $$$$$$ fast so make some $18 bills with
his computer morph program. He decided the best place to
pass off his phony would be at the Jumping Branch Tavern
in Fort Pillow, Tennessee off of Prison Road. So, he got
into his new wheels and off he went ...
6 Comments, 338 Views,
28 Votes
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You know your from ALASKA when.... 12/27/2006
You know your from ALASKA when....
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- alaska Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
31 Votes
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Educational Opportunities for the Male Gender 12/27/2006
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their
contents,
each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants each.
Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays. Step by step, with
slide
presentation.
Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Do they grow on the holders?
Roundtable discussion.
Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate using the technique of
lifting the ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
14 Votes
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The Argument -The Woman is Always Right!!!! 12/27/2006
A man and woman were involved in a petty argument, both of
them unwilling to admit they might be in error.
"I'll admit I'm wrong, " the woman
told the man in a con-ciliatory attempt, "if you'll
admit I'm right."
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.
"I'm wrong, " she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
20 Votes
,1.47 Score
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