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Lauderdale County Facility, Turkey Guts, and Honey 12/27/2006
The Number One Man at the Lauderdale County Facility and
His Honey happily resides in their abode at the facility
for many years.
The only thing Honey objected to was himself's habit
of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake Honey and the smell would make her eyes
water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
18 Votes
,0.53 Score
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The Honeydoo Tavern 12/27/2006
Revenge is the naked idol of the worship
of a semi-barbarous age. Percy Bysshe Shelley
A Better alternative is to dip those disagreeable arbitators
of discord in honey. Take them to the HoneyDoo Tavern - Serve
them green tea with cakes. Pour Honey all over them. Toss
them in a jar in the sunlight. Don't forget to slap on
the ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
13 Votes
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Spotted Owls get Rich at the HoneyDoo Tavern 12/27/2006
There was a fundraiser for the spotted owls at the HoneyDoo
Tavern. It was an auction for a picnic by the river and a day
of romance with a masculine person for a . The males
showed up on the stage and danced an Irish Jig. They were
wearing shamrock speedo, a derby and a smile. They showed
off their masculine assets, soon the Spotted Owls were
rich and a good time was had by all.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
12 Votes
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Honeydoo List for Masculine Persons 12/27/2006
Man's Honey Do List
Make the beds-- Yeah Sure! It's only going to get messed
up again. Forget that one -
Mop kitchen floor-- Pour bacon grease on the floor and let
the clean the floor.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in
the snow.
Find something fun for the to do-- That tinfoil in the
microwave thing was Scratch eight !!!!!! ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
13 Votes
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Keys! Keys! Where are the Keys! 12/27/2006
Have you ever done this! There is someplace that you absolutely
to be and misplace the keys.
1 Comments, 51 Views,
15 Votes
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All Things to All People" 12/27/2006
Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated
beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would be Romeo,
asked, "What type of man attracts you?" "I've always been drawn to Native American men, "
she replied. "They're so in tune with nature."
"I see, " the man said, nodding.
"But then, I really go for Jewish men who put women
on a pedestal and I can hardly resist ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
10 Votes
,0.20 Score
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The City and Country of Cyberland 12/27/2006
We can keep disagreeable folks out of our blogs and iggie
them in the chats - That must be the country in Cyblerland.
There are other areas where the city is predominant.
“In the country, if you had a mean neighbor, you could keep
off his land
and make him keep off yours. But in the city, all the foulness
and misery
and brutality of your neighbors was part of ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
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The Affair! 12/27/2006
The Affair
<br>
<br>
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward,
she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife
to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go
to Italy and have the baby there.
<br>
<br>
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?"
she asked.
<br>
<br>
"Just send me a ...
4 Comments, 1072 Views,
128 Votes
,6.45 Score
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The blonde and the Coke Machine 12/27/2006
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda
machine and she arrived there just before a business man
coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put
in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet
Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed
on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar
and ...
2 Comments, 473 Views,
39 Votes
,4.54 Score
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The new Pastor 12/27/2006
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home,
but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore,
he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20"
on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday,
he found that his card had been returned. Added to it ...
7 Comments, 1289 Views,
169 Votes
,6.56 Score
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Are women good or what?? 12/27/2006
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents
<br>
began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. We
know what a Porsche costs."
Well, " said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen
dollars."
...
2 Comments, 1207 Views,
134 Votes
,6.89 Score
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Friday! I'm Fishing 12/27/2006
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of
marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and
the wife goes
into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in
the 15 years
they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
<br>
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces
the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts
up and ...
3 Comments, 172 Views,
12 Votes
,6.33 Score
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You Can't Please Everyone 12/27/2006
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy
rode on the
donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they
passed some people
who
remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the
boy was riding.
The
man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they
changed
positions.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
Later, they passed ...
5 Comments, 178 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Talking Dog 12/27/2006
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in
front of a house: "Talking For Sale." He
rings the bell and the
owner tells him the is in the backyard.The guy goes into
the
backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
<br>
"You talk?" he asks.
<br>
"Yes, I do, " the Lab replies.
<br>
"So, what's ...
9 Comments, 569 Views,
64 Votes
,7.96 Score
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Quick Thinking ! LOL 12/27/2006
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket
and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in
that department told him that they only sold whole heads
of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager
about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he ...
6 Comments, 210 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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Whitehouse Breakfast 12/27/2006
dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at
the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like,
and he replies,
"I'd
like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin,
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. ...
5 Comments, 229 Views,
21 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Best Toast Of The Night 12/27/2006
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of
the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of
the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending ...
6 Comments, 198 Views,
21 Votes
,6.22 Score
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Ethel in the Nursing Home 12/27/2006
Ethel in the Nursing Home
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge
around
the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting
up to
maximum
speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic
the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined
in.
One day ...
5 Comments, 215 Views,
18 Votes
,6.67 Score
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nEw AnD ImprOved speLL chEckEr!!!! 12/27/2006
Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c"
would be dropped to be replased either by "k"
or "s", and likewise "x" would no
longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c"
would be retained would be the "ch" formation,
which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w"
spelling, so that "which" and "one"
would take ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
7 Votes
,1.00 Score
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sPellCheck the sPeLL On yOu 12/27/2006
Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
improvised quote by Samual Clemmons
For example, in Year 1 that useless
letter "c" would be dropped to be relapsed either
by "k" or "s", and likewise "x"
would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only Jase in
which "c" would be retained would be the "ch"
formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might ...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,0.65 Score
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Chaos and the Dancing Star 12/27/2006
Anais Nin:
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes
in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow
partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm,
childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle
and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present.
We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
9 Votes
,0.43 Score
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Elderly Couple 12/23/2006
An elderly couple had been married for 30 years and never
took a vaction. At the husbands urging they went to Texas
for their first vacation.
The husband wanted to see the sights while the wife just
wanted to stay in the hotel room and read.
So he goes out by himself. As he walking through town he spots
a pair of Cowboy boots in a store window. He was so taken by
these ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Sunburned! 12/23/2006
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets
horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline
and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four
hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Packing 12/23/2006
This one is for everyone who ...
a) has , b) had , c) was a , d) knows a e) is going
to have
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old
was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point
she said, "Daddy, look at this, " and stuck
out two of her fingers.
T rying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck
her tiny
fingers in my ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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The Race 12/23/2006
Horses Racing Today....
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
Place Your Bets.
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off ...
1 Comments, 34 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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On The Sabbath 12/23/2006
A man wonders if having \bsexo?\b on the sabbath is a sin
as he is not sure if it is work or play.
So he goes to a priest and asks. The priest consults the
bible and after an exhausting search says ‘my , ’ ‘I
am positive \bsexo?\b is work and therefore not permitted’.
The man thinks, ' What does a priest know about \bsexo?\b'?
So he consults a minister. The ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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Worst First Date 12/23/2006
Worst First Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're
sitting down when
you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever,
first date or
not!
We have all had bad dates....but this takes the cake.
This just tells you
how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight
Show"
with Jay Leno. Jay went into ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Magic 12/23/2006
Okay ladies, if you could be either Bewitched or I dream
of Jeannie, what type of man would you make for yourself?
How would he look? What kinds of character would you give
this person? What would you have him do for you?
My Answer:
I would make a man:
Dark hair, blue eyes, nice smile, a loving heart, gentle,
kind, medium tall, his built average or ...
2 Comments, 63 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Christmas Tradition 12/23/2006
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves
did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel
the
pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her
Mother was
coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three
of them were
about to give birth and two others had ...
1 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Lawyers 12/23/2006
Why does the Law society prohibit \bsexo?\b between lawyers
and their ?
To prevent from being billed twice for essentially
the same service!
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off you when you die !
What's the difference between a dead on the road
and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of ...
2 Comments, 53 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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