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Second Opinion... 7/4/2006
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either, " and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and calls home.
<br>
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated
husband says, "What took you so long to answer the
phone?" ...
1 Comments, 179 Views,
14 Votes
,4.74 Score
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Making Love To... 7/4/2006
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a
nurse or an airline stewardess?
<br>
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we
get it right.
<br>
A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.
<br>
And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth
and nose and breathe normally.
1 Comments, 185 Views,
15 Votes
,4.05 Score
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Sisters... 7/4/2006
There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins.
<br>
It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says,
"I'm not
going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not
coming home
'til I've been laid!!"
<br>
Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10
so I don't worry about
you."
<br>
10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of
Gladys...
11 ...
1 Comments, 133 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Thirteen... 7/4/2006
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment
down South, when he struck up a conversation with a young
lady in a bar.
<br>
After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own
bottle
and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
<br>
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter
asked as the obviously
young lass was disrobing.
...
1 Comments, 156 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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The Rules and Where Have You Been?? 7/4/2006
Didn't post the 1st time...had a "no-no"
word in it, I guess.
<br>
The Rules
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
<br>
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you
that I won't be ...
1 Comments, 88 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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2 birds, 1 stone 7/4/2006
Chief One Stone got his name from being injured in a battle
years earlier. The word got aroung, "Don't
mess with One Stone, for he may kill you". One evening, One
Stone met Yellow Dove, a pretty indian madien. They talked, and
had sex, which lasted for several hours. Later, Yellow
Dove passed away. Later, the same day, he met Blue Bird, another
lovely maiden. They too eventually ended up ...
1 Comments, 97 Views,
8 Votes
,0.93 Score
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bumper sticker wisdom 7/4/2006
• If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
• I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<br>
...
1 Comments, 163 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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The Ten Dollar Jar 7/4/2006
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large
jar behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with
ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands
of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: "What's
up with the jar?"
<br>
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass
three tests, then you get all the money."
<br>
Man: ...
2 Comments, 161 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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More Fish in the Sea?? 7/4/2006
As you cruize the pages of this Online "Mail order
Bride/Groom"..... Just remember, don't be
to quick to say "Theres plenty more fish in the sea!"
...At our age.....We are quickly running out of bait!!!
LOL, ROFLMAO!!!!
2 Comments, 206 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE 7/4/2006
PSYCHOLOGY ROMANCE & MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A ...
1 Comments, 236 Views,
16 Votes
,4.16 Score
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Old flames 7/4/2006
When does it become acceptable to make a joke about a girl's
"ex jerk" or old flame. It seems okay for her
to tear him to pieces, but sometimes if you put in a dig, she
amazingly comes to his defense. is it best to simply listen
and nod when these discussions take place?
2 Comments, 161 Views,
4 Votes
,0.53 Score
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Work Out and Feel Better... 7/4/2006
The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the
following:
<br>
MONDAYS
<br>
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
<br>
TUESDAYS
<br>
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make Mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
<br>
...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Girrrlllllll...... 7/4/2006
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"? God said,
"No. you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days
to live."
<br>
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a
facelift, Liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so
much ...
1 Comments, 92 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Viagra Coffee... 7/4/2006
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything
checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side
and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years
now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's
sex drive." <br>
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give
him Viagra?" <br>
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him
to take ...
1 Comments, 140 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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The Mistress... 7/4/2006
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant
when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their
table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll
see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and
says, "Who was that??!!"
<br>
"Oh" replies the husband, "that was my
mistress." "That's it, " says the
wife, "I want a divorce."
<br>
...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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Social Security 7/4/2006
A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
<br>
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized
he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was
very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Payday... 7/4/2006
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday,
so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend
partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
<br>
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was
confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly
two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally
his wife stopped the nagging ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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GOSH.... Looking Again! 7/4/2006
Anyone ever quit? Even married people look for soulmates
outside the perimeters of their "professional"
mates, and in perilious parts of their world.
<br>
It is written that marriage is like a besieged fortress.
Those who are out are trying to get in; those who are in are
trying to get out.
<br>
Scan the profiles: some demonstrate innocence, some are
predators ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Money Talks! 7/4/2006
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with an unusual offer:
<br>
<br>
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change
the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm
supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that out."
<br>
<br>
He passed the ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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The Rules and Where Have You Been? 7/4/2006
The Rules
<br>
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
<br>
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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state-of-the-art technology.. 7/4/2006
An American an Japanese and an Irishman
<br>
<br>
Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were
sitting naked
in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American
pressed his
forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager, " he said, "I have
a microchip under the skin of my
arm." A few minutes later a ...
1 Comments, 569 Views,
46 Votes
,4.24 Score
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fairy tales 7/4/2006
DO you know the difference between a fairy tale and a truck
drivers story? A fairy tale starts out with "once
upon a time" and a truck drivers story starts out with
"you aint gonna beleive this sh-t"
1 Comments, 153 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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Fickle friends 7/4/2006
A man comes home early from work, only to find his wife in
bed with his best friend. The cuckold says to his wife, "This
is most humiliating". To the best friend, he says
"Bad dog".
1 Comments, 196 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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Today I didn't do it!! 7/3/2006
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem
in his house. His three were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes
and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door
of his wife's car was open, as was the
front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp ...
2 Comments, 128 Views,
13 Votes
,4.99 Score
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new english words 7/2/2006
some funny new made-up words sent through e-mail:
<br>
Dopeler effect (n): the tendence of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come very quickly.
<br>
Arachnoleptic fit (n): the frantic dance performed just
after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
<br>
Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending
all of these really bad vibes, right? and ...
1 Comments, 124 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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masculine vs feminine 7/2/2006
this joke has been circulating through cyberspace:
<br>
a spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in spanish,
unlike in english, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine. "house" for instance, is feminine:
"la case". "Pencil", however,
is masculine: "el lapiz". A student asked,
"what gender is "computer"? instead
of giving the answer, the teacher split the ...
1 Comments, 203 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Letter to the Wrong Wife... 7/2/2006
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent
their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both had jobs, they
found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a
Thursday, and his wife would follow him ...
1 Comments, 161 Views,
15 Votes
,6.65 Score
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Something to think about.... 7/2/2006
A Florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a
sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What
can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's
absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have ...
1 Comments, 176 Views,
17 Votes
,6.80 Score
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The SFF Game 7/2/2006
This could be the result of early dementia, but...
what if we could be on the the SFF Game, kinda like the old
"Dating Game, " except it's for grandparents,
or AARP members who who are seeking compatible others for
their geriatric years. Dink Winkerson would be the host,
with Thrillist Diller as his side kick. (Her job would be
to slap anyone who fell asleep, or flash at someone who looked ...
3 Comments, 282 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Don’t Mess with Grandma! 7/2/2006
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning
to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her
vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,
proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have
a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
<br>
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They
got out and ran like mad. The ...
1 Comments, 872 Views,
103 Votes
,7.86 Score
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