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It All Adds Up... 11/13/2006
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You
must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer
I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years
and I'll give back the other ...
3 Comments, 2073 Views,
752 Votes
,7.53 Score
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What's the difference 11/8/2006
A lovely little girl is entering class for the first time
when a friendly little boy approaches her.
"My name's Ted, " he says, "What's
yours?"
"Happy butt”, the little girl replies.
"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!, "
the boy shouts.
He goes to the teacher and says ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
1 Votes
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The old lady and the bank president. 11/5/2006
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's office.
The president of the ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Speedy 10/23/2006
Speedy Seniors...
>Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch
speeding drivers, a
>State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
22 MPH. He thinks to
>himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as
a speeder!" So he turns on
>his lights and pulls the driver over.
>
>Approaching the car, he notices that there are five
old ladies -- two in
>the front seat and ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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TWENTY DOLLARS 10/2/2006
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her
new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking
encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily
agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for
more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way
for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
she needed.
Arriving ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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Know your spouse 8/26/2006
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It
is essential that husbands and wives know each other's
likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can
you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
1 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Definately a woman's viewpoint 8/23/2006
Yes or no?
Doesn't this say it all?
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while
taking a bath.
"Mum, " he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet, " she replied
0 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Worth another read 8/18/2006
Sometimes, when I look at my , I say to myself ~~"Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I
was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Chivalry Never Dies... 7/5/2006
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband
was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted
to talk.
"You use to hold my hand when we were courting, "
said the wife. Wearily, the husband reached across, held
her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said "Then you used ...
3 Comments, 2778 Views,
525 Votes
,6.61 Score
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Guide to eating for bachelors 7/4/2006
This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially
acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the
surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white
or green growth areas are good indications that your bread
has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
2. CANNED GOODS: ...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Tell me about Florida 7/4/2006
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see
us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take
I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and
we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: ...
1 Comments, 20 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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fight for dignity 7/4/2006
read it! please
1 Comments, 85 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Now this did make me giggle... 7/4/2006
An elderly couple was attending church services. About
halfway through she leans over and says, "I just let
a silent wind, what do you think I should do?"
He replies, "put a new battery in your hearing aid!"
2 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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what is a true blue relationship for women 7/4/2006
men do all the cooking, spend their money only, do all the
romancing...what???
4 Comments, 64 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Forrest Gump dies.... 7/4/2006
The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However,
the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly
good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell
you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've
been administering an entrance examination ...
2 Comments, 406 Views,
52 Votes
,6.79 Score
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The Perfect Prescription for all..... 7/4/2006
Trust me, this worked for me. Read all about this! I totally
recommend this product!
Ask your doctor or pharmacist
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered
yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist
about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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WHAT DO RETIRED PEOPLE DO ALL DAY? 7/4/2006
Working people frequently ask retired people what they
do to make their days
interesting.
<br>
Well for example, the other day I went into town and went
into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when
I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving
a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued ...
1 Comments, 130 Views,
11 Votes
,5.97 Score
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A Whole New Meaning to the English Language!! 7/4/2006
Here's a list of things that give a whole new meaning
to the English Language:
<br>
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen ...
3 Comments, 83 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Well, we all have a Love/Hate relationship with computers 7/4/2006
Dear Ms. _____________,
<br>
This correspondence is in response to your fervent prayers
of last week. We do want you to know that all were received,
heard, discussed, and reviewed. Heaven is sympathetic
to your demise, regarding your hard drive and tower. We
also appreciate your initiative to solve this earthly
problem on your own. God does appreciate those who help ...
2 Comments, 107 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Little Old Lady 7/4/2006
I just couldn't stop laughing at this one I received
today:
<br>
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage >bags with her, one in each hand. There's
a hole in one of the bags, and >every once in a while a $20
bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this,
a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that ...
3 Comments, 175 Views,
6 Votes
,5.64 Score
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Seniors Ads 7/4/2006
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor? LO
<br>
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
<br>
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried
fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out
a six-unit plot. ...
2 Comments, 147 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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I do't want to end up like that! 7/4/2006
A retired couple visit an ailing friend in a nursing home.
The older man had declined to a point of not recognizing
the couple.
<br>
Later that afternoon the older couple were sitting in their
living room when the man says to his wife, "Honey I
am telling you now whatever happens to me in this life, do
what you have to but don't let just sit around in a vegetative
state like ...
2 Comments, 81 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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92 year old stud 7/4/2006
One day, a 92 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual
check up. He brags to the Dr. about having a 19 year old wife
who is with . "What do ya think about that?, Doc."
he boasted.
<br>
The doc thought for a moment and said "You remind me
of another patient I have. He is in his late 80's and
never misses opening day of pheasant hunting with his buddies.
One fall day he ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Penguins, Midget Nuns, Seven Dwarfs and the Pope 7/4/2006
The 7 Dwarfs made a visit to the Pope in Rome. Grumpy asked:
"Your Holiness, are there any midget nuns in Italy?"
The Pope said, " none at all." "Your Holiness,
are there any midget nuns anywhere in the world?"
The Pope answered "none at all". Happy then
turned to Dopey and said: "You see, you screwed a penguin,
not a midget nun." 
1 Comments, 95 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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open and honest 7/4/2006
First time you meet someone, you should apply humour, sensuality,
and seriousness. One needs to know right away what the other
is like.. Then there won"t be anything to wonder about
and you should have a good idea if you could like that person..
Then each one will have a sense of who they will be dealing
with, and if you want to go out togher again.
tell the other if you got that ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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ladies beware 7/4/2006
Just heard on the news today that if you marry a devil's
, you will have a devil's father-in-law.. Now
take this which ever way you want, but we should be very careful,
I would think. thankyou
1 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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winning at love 7/4/2006
To love someone is the most commonest thing in the world.
It has been around for generations and generations, now,
and noone has really grown tired of it.
To win at love can be A very sacred, cherishable, honoured
thing, one has ever done. fOR two people to have that special
feeling for someone, thats what you call "winning
at love"
1 Comments, 93 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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The Silver Ladle 7/4/2006
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between John and his roommate, and this only made her more
curious.
<br>
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and
the ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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TOMORROW, BUT ONLY TOMORROW! 7/4/2006
I very happy:
-NOW...I am with my really love....Live in USA, but...he
speak to me that all time meet with me.
-When?
-Tomorrow.
Answer to me always! tomorrow is the today.called of phone:
-hello..you are in airport?
-My dear, my love, now only, tomorrow..
5 MONTHS OF TOMORROW! NEVER MY LOVE ...NEVER YESTERDAY...NEVER
TODAY....BUT...HAVE TOMORROW! ...
2 Comments, 138 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
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Be Careful What You Wish For! 7/4/2006
Be careful what you wish for!
<br>
<br>
A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.
<br>
He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like
car so
she could zip through traffic around town.
<br>
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price
range.
...
1 Comments, 162 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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